Meal Plan

I realized I have been finding myself most attracted to the online profiles of those who cook either “passionately” or professionally, or some combination thereof. Through personal experience I learned that dating a cook has some major benefits. Basically I just want a man to feed me. My pal L. and I learned at the Museum of Sex that this desire, when taken to an extreme, is a documented fetish.


Well hopefully I won’t get to that point. My desire to remain thin and beautiful trumps any desire to be fed. Perhaps I should convince myself I would really like a drill sergeant or plastic surgeon boyfriend.

There are a lot of kitchen workers in New York City but the special variety I take notice of are those who according to some parental standard, are “wasting” the bachelor’s degree they attained from a reputable four-year accredited university. They are the type to game the system and use their unemployment benefits toward world travel that they cloak under the banner of “culinary research.” They are taking well-shot photos of the food they make, and posting them to social networking sites, ripe for public commentary. They are ceaselessly describing the details of the ingredients and techniques used in the meals’ preparation to anyone who will listen to them at the dinner parties they throw to which I am invited.