Sunday, December 26, 2010

Evidence that some Internet daters might be of the desperate variety

It seems a lot of non-Internet daters view us as a generally desperate lot. While desperate correspondence is delivered to my inbox on an almost daily basis, those I’ve met with in real life are generally out to have an interesting time, or a sexy time, or a whatever time. Very few take anything too seriously. Even the pursuit of getting it in, and getting out is a halfhearted one.

As an experiential scholar of Internet dating, it is my privilege to report that two recent dates have drawn my attention to the fact that the desperate population on Internet dating sites lives and breathes amongst us. Proof:

Despite having bid my friend from Christmas eve adieu with an unequivocal rejection, he spent his holiday thinking up things to text me. Beginning with the rooster’s crow  at 7:29 am, he wanted to know if I got home safely. His courteous inquiry deserved response, so I thanked him for a lovely evening in strict this-is-the-last-you’ll-hear-from-me fashion.

This was followed up with a hopeful expression of meeting up again, with me, a woman who had 12 hours prior stated the following verbatim: “I am not feeling attracted to you.”

I assume he feared his note lacked the necessity for response, since I did not offer one, so he qualified his expression with a direct question: “are you free tonight?” Any answer to this question would be a waste of thumb muscle when dealing with someone who operates on a no-means-yes schema.

Finally, I am not a fan of the “my parents create awkward situations for me” line of jokes that seem so popular with the kids these days, so when he resorted to this in his next text, my eyes rolled hard. Basically I feel that if two people who you just happened to live with for two decades still have the power embarrass or surprise you, then you are the joke.  However, his text reported that his father announced an advantageous relationship with the drug Viagra. I thought to myself that rather being made to feel awkward by this comment from Dad, perhaps he should take note. While this isn't really ha-ha funny, it is funny nonetheless.

P.S. I think his unsolicited kissing gave me the case of acute viral rhinopharyngitis I am battling now with OJ.

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