Wednesday, October 27, 2010

What's the deal with dating?

Elaine: Maybe I should just get married.
Jerry: Dating is really starting to get embarrassing isn't it?
Elaine: I know. You know, whenever I'm on a date I feel people can tell.
Jerry: People on dates shouldn't even be allowed out in public.
Elaine: You can say that again.

Too bad these guys don't exist in a world where you can make a date of watching old Seinfeld episodes.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

The other Facebook movie

There is another Facebook movie out right now called “Catfish.” Well not really a Facebook movie so much as a cautionary tale to anyone who uses the Internet for pursuits of the heart. I won’t delve into many of the details because one of things I hate most in the world are spoilers of narratives, I can say however that this movie will get anyone thinking about the nature of modern communication, and the relationship between our virtual and our actual selves.

I can also say that all the guys in the movies were really sextable.

For more information:

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Chaperone is French for no one is getting laid tonight

My friend asked me to join him and a new OkCupid lady friend last night for a drink. He left us alone to go to the rest room about a minute after she and I shook hands, so for lack of anything else to say, I was compelled to let her know that 1) I am aware they met on the Internet, and 2) I am cool with that.

He expressed in advance a solid interest in the girl so it was great that things only got thoroughly awkward twice. Once during his impassioned defense of Hitler’s intellectual capacity, and once during her sincere expression of disappointment on finding out that his profile’s most romantic claims (i.e. interest in cloud gazing) are examples of a comedic device known as sarcasm.

Two thoroughly awkward moments in one hour is an excellent track record and it is my understanding that they are hanging out right now.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Living for this shit

I am having an online date blogger’s wet dream right now. There is an online date in progress taking place two tables away from me in a Washington, DC coffee shop quiet enough that I can track the progress of this date.

I hope that the woman’s recent hip surgery and use of cane does not prevent them from having sexual relations in the very near future. Their body language at first made me skeptical that such a thing could happen for these two. She began the date with a conversationally dominant focus on her hip replacement surgery, her subsequent physical therapy and her pilates class. The poor guy had trouble contributing to the airwaves and I felt his disinterest in his crossed arms. Only brief mention was made of his career in the secret service. I guess she is taking the secret portion to heart.

In the last 10 minutes they’ve been laughing their heads off on this Monday afternoon, and even though she is back on the topic of her cortisone shots, he now has his chin in his hands and is gazing into her eyes.

Did she just say “hip-a-thon”?

To answer your most obvious query, yes they are middle aged as they are not discussing what can go right with coolness, but rather what can go wrong with the laterally projecting prominence of the pelvis or pelvic region from the waist to the thigh.

I feel bad for them that they are about to unknowingly hit the big time on the Online Dater’s Club, reaching a readership that has recently skyrocketed into daily double digits, but given their advanced age, they may only vaguely know what a blog is.

Since we are benefiting from their existence, lets all hold a silent god or god-free prayer (whatever floats your boat) that these two shall find love right in front of them with the Internet to thank.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

More of a Princeton girl myself

A new dating service, DateHarvardSQ matches Harvard men with "discerning" paying female customers. Apparently founders Beri Meric and Philipp Triebel believe there are enough Harvard fetishists the world over who will pay $20 monthly to avoid use search engines on those "more cumbersome dating sites." They are right. It can be very tiring to do all that work yourself. All that typing of the word "Harvard" into a search field, all that hitting enter. No wonder those other sites are free.

If the planet Earth is still a reasonable place to inhabit, the best these entrepreneurs should hope for is a Mark Zuckerberg to come steal their shitty idea and turn it into a not shitty one, so that in ten years time Hollywood will dramatize the injustice using visually palatable actors.