A Very Happy Labor Day

I have three days left of census work before America is counted and I will be on permanent Labor Day. Celebrating in this manner is a rather frightening prospect in a city where a taco can run you $10 if you are not careful. So what will I do? I will file for unemployment benefits and for food stamps. I will still however be desirous of wining and dining in a manner that the government does not have the means to assist me with. This leaves me with one option. Going on dates. While I have found the modern man happy to go dutch at bill time, until I get a job, I will be scouring the OkCupid profiles for gentleman sporting monocles, slicked mustaches, and traveling by penny farthing.

Mmmhhhmmmm...steak dinner