Jiminy Crickets don't lie fatty!

On the subject of profile photos, my friend Dave, a Match.com user notes that cropping can be clever, but needs to be consistent if it’s really going to trick people. He said, “I love the fatties that only show head-shots. Then their last one will be of below decks.”

But to what end? The best-case scenario a thunder thighs deceiver can hope for is a disappointed date. Be proud of your thunder thighs and avoid this embarrassing situation as the friendless do with their galleries of bathroom mirror self-portraiture.

Speaking of friends, many of mine are telling me I have inspired them to join the online dating scene. I would like to say right now that I take no responsibility if the manifestations of this widespread inspiration take the forms of STD contraction or loss of life.