Tuesday, January 19, 2010

All your friends have cold faces

Tomorrow I go on a date with a member of the square community with whom I’ve had exclusively antagonistic communications. He was immediately condescending toward me and I have unabashedly responded in kind. This character, who grew up on the more privileged side of the privileged town I grew up in, is angling for a Georgetown bar for the big date. I think he is testing me and I will grin like Shakespeare's Act V Kate, and go anywhere Petruchio asks me to.

“Your revolution is over. Condolences. The bums have lost,” he says to me.

When defending one’s choice to live unconventionally, it is important to understand that much of these contrarians’ feelings of superiority rest on the premise that your tastes in clothes, books, music, and geographic locale are not borne of genuine preference or philosophy, but rather are in bed with the singular goal of being “cool.”

Paraphrased excerpts from said conversation with said square:

Square: All your friends have beards.
Me: It’s winter. All your friends have cold faces.

Square: You just hate the suburbs because that is a cool thing to hate.
Me: Nah, I don’t like needing a car to get to the premier Italian restaurant in town, Olive Garden.

Square: Regarding your sexual orientation, has it afforded you all sorts of invitations from couples you are friends with?
Me: Just forget it. You are out of your element.

Stay tuned to see how closely the date recaps this post.


  1. Now its time for unsolicited advice from a Brewmaster -

    Forget the square. No clever beer references needed. To aid in the extraction, I present to you the automated Shakespeare insult generator -


    Very brew-ly yours,
    Brewmaster Eric

  2. this should be comical.